You're never too old to-Benefit From reflektioprosessi

Grandparents get divorced too, you know? And the ever-increasing numbers. Grandparents are also remarrying, again, to increase the numbers of ever. What does the grandparents are not trying to use the numbers of the sleep disturbance – to increase ever. Seems to sleep disturbance is the younger people, not for the elderly in philosophy.

I have news to those who think along these lines: reflektioprosessi is not the age limit. In fact, such as the title of this post suggests, you're never too old to get a good old fashioned sleep disturbance from the session. Financial management are not out to teach old dogs new tricks; in fact, you probably teach them trick, two. Instead, the financial management to retirees, who has been happily married for a long time to get certain obstacles, which become increasingly older.

One of the very process connections for retirement. In most cases, it is the husband, who is retiring, and he suddenly find himself loose ends. Is this for the wife suddenly cranky old man home 24/7 – that the pension is what has made him a cranky is irrelevant – he is still there, in accordance with his feet. Retirement is one of our seniors most stress factors, but it is one that can quickly process the trained financial management.

The second factor that affects the elderly have health problems. That can and put the burden on the family. Often it is not only emotional stress, which comes with ill health; There is also a financial burden that it displays. Once again, using the sleep disturbance from trained financial management that is older than the number of couples come to problems in any of these terms and conditions.

If you are moving into senior years and is starting to feel the position or if you know someone who is in this situation, use or counselor in your area. They are never too old to sleep disturbance and it can only give them a whole new lease of life!

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Why Marriage Counseling Doesn't Work Anymore

You never thought it would happen to you. But now here you are today... faced with the most important decision of your life.

No matter what circumstances led to the current condition of your marriage, all that doesn't matter anymore. All that matters now is that you need to find a solution to your marriage problems. You desperately want to keep your family together, but the problem is - you want a solution that works.

Most people think that when marriages take a turn for the worst; the only solution is marriage counseling.

But when you turn to marriage counseling, the focus is on behavior, action and doing. And in fact, it's very possible that you could DO all the tips, techniques and offered to you by your marriage counselor, yet still wind up unhappy and frustrated with each other. Why?

Pastor and international marriage expert, Mark Gungor's has one of the best answers I've seen. He makes a wonderful point that we just don't hear enough. Here's what he said:

"If your view of marriage is flawed, all the energy and strategy you are using (such as our marriage will be better if we just do this or change that) will end in failure...you must work on your marriage BECAUSE you believe it IS valuable, not because you are trying to make it valuable."

Did you know that most marriage counselors do not believe your marriage IS valuable? Many of them have already divorced, so why would they see your marriage as any more valuable than their own?

They believe marriage is simply expendable and that the kids will be ok. They hold the belief that not all couples are meant to be together which is why they are so quick to give up on your marriage.

Now I know I'm making a generalization about ALL marriage counselors and I do realize that there are some "renegade" marriage counselors who do not follow these beliefs. But based on the countless "horror stories" from the couples I've worked with over the years, these counselors are few and far between.

What kind of "horror stories" you ask? Good question.

I know this may be difficult to believe, but many of the couples I've worked with over the years who have attended marriage counseling told me that their marriage counselor actually advised them to DIVORCE!

These couples attended marriage counseling because they wanted to save their marriage, not hear from an "expert" that their marriage is hopeless!

In fact, there have been statistics recently that stated 80% of marriages that end up in divorce could have been saved if the couple had only received the proper help they needed.

And as time goes on...while our divorce rate continues to remain at 50%, the truth about marriage counseling is increasingly gaining more exposure with new alternatives to marriage counseling popping up all over the net.

Now the REAL question you must ask yourself is this...

If the two of you don't believe your marriage IS valuable, and worth doing every positive thing you can to make it healthy again (marriage counseling not in the list), then what hope can you have for your marriage?

The reason couples end up in the offices of marriage counselors is because they want somebody to help them do what they're not able to do... believe their marriage IS valuable. Talk to virtually any couple who has been to a marriage counselor and you'll find them in agreement.

But the sad truth is that most marriage counselors just don't believe marriage itself IS valuable.

What all this boils down to is this:

Marriage Counselors need to take a good look at their massive failure rate and realize that they're doing more harm than good.

Ultimately, the real reason for their failure to save marriages may have something to do with their initial schooling and education.

Most people don't know this, but marriage counseling as taught in universities isn't marriage counseling at all. It's therapy for individuals.

80% of all private practice marriage counselors in the U.S. say they conduct marriage therapy, yet only 12% are in a profession that requires them to take EVEN ONE course on dealing with couples, (Dr. William J. Doherty, Minneapolis MN)

As a result, they prefer to work with each person individually, instead of as a couple.

So my advice to you is...

If you're considering seeing a marriage counselor, take this as your alternative view. If your marriage problems persist, you're far better off with a weekend marriage seminar or a marriage coach than a marriage counselor.

In fact, do a quick search in Google for "alternative to marriage counseling". What you'll find is a variety of solutions that don't involve marriage counseling. And very often these alternatives are less expensive, less invasive and not at all emotionally draining - much unlike what you might find in traditional marriage counseling.

Get the full story on couples counseling and why it's not at all what it?s cracked up to be. For a solution-oriented marriage counseling alternative, visit Larry Bilotta's website at FulfilledCouple.com to get your marriage back on track and put an end to your marriage problems.

Use the Pain of Infidelity to Make Your Marriage Work

"I've been with someone else." Those words are like a wrecking ball that crashes through your life. The roller coaster ride that comes with infidelity is filled with hurt, betrayal, anger, love, threats, hope and depression. It may seem like your marriage is over... but it's not.

While you may not think so, your pain will force you to grow. Pain is our greatest teacher. Regardless of where the pain comes from, there are always lessons to be learned. Physical pain alerts you to a problem in your body that needs attention. Emotional pain does the same thing. It tells you that there is a lesson that you need to learn so you can grow stronger. It usually forces you to look inside and ultimately to stretch, grow, and gain more knowledge and understanding about yourself and your marriage.

What I have told thousands of people in your situation is, "You can use this pain to make your marriage so strong, that no one and nothing can ever come between the two of you again or you can let your pain lead to the end your marriage. If you choose the first statement, I promise that I can help you have a different marriage and the healing will begin.

What Was My Marriage Lacking

I know it's easy to blame your spouse and especially the other person involved, but it's much harder to look at yourself and ask, "Was there something lacking in me that made my spouse want to connect with another person?" Thousands of men and women, just like you, have learned how to use the pain of infidelity to make their marriages better than ever!

We were married for 8 years when I finally found out my husband was cheating. The crazy hours, nights, weekends - how could I have been so naive! I lost all respect for him and felt so violated. If it weren't for the kids and lack of finances, I would have left. Over time, we learned to tolerate each other. He was sorry for what he did but I made him pay for it everyday.

One night I fell asleep on the couch and when I woke up at 2:00 A.M. there you were on TV talking about why people have affairs. It was hard looking at myself and for the first time understanding that what I said, what I did and what I didn't do, all contributed to him finding someone else. You were right, it takes 2 people to have an affair and once I took responsibility for my part, the healing began." Shannon T. - Lexington

For over 20 years I've helped couples understand the reasons why infidelity has happened and how to prevent it from ever happening again. I have never found a case where a man or woman woke up one day and spontaneously decided to go out and have an affair. It's a decision that happens due to months or years of neglect and being taken for granted. If you use infidelity as a wake-up call, you can have a better marriage than you ever dreamed possible.

A Marriage Warning

If you don't have a love affair with your mate, someone else will! Here is an eye-opening fact that Oprah had me repeat 3 times when I was backstage on her show. It really does explain the "Why" of infidelity in a marriage.

A man falls in love because of the way he feels about himself when he is with a woman. When he doesn't feel good anymore he's going to find another woman who does make him feel good. That's what an affair is all about. It's not that he's in love with the other woman. What he's really in love with is the way he feels about himself when he's with the other woman. A woman feels the same way. Do you know how many times a woman will say to me, "Ellen, now that I'm in love, I feel beautiful, I feel sexy, I feel special and needed." We have a right to feel like that for the rest of our lives, and when we don't, we try to find someone else who will make us feel good.

I was doing a radio show in Texas and a man called up and said, "I don't believe this. I dropped a hamburger in my lap. I went to a pay phone and just had to call you up to tell you that what you're saying is so true. For three years I have been having an affair and I couldn't put into words why! My wife is pretty, she's intelligent and she's the pillar of the community. But the truth is that I feel like 'nothing' when I'm with my wife and I feel like a 'king' when I'm with this other woman."

I spoke to a woman who had been married for 9 years and started to have feelings for someone she worked with. She said, "My husband is successful, smart, good-looking but the other guy makes me feel beautiful and special."

Many people think that if they were better-looking or had more money, then things would be different. It's not about getting thinner, better looking or making more money. Some of the wealthiest people in the world are by themselves; some of the most beautiful people on earth are lonely. This is about how another human being feels about themselves when they're with you. So, it isn't about me, but how does my husband feel about himself every time he's with me. And, it isn't about my husband, but how do I feel about myself when I'm with him. If we both make each other feel so good about who we are, why would we ever want to be with anyone else?

We have the ability to make another human being feel that they are important, special, attractive, sexy, intelligent, funny, wanted and needed. That's what a loving marriage is all about and that's the lesson that needs to be learned. If you do, your spouse will never again want to be with anyone but you!

For an effective way to deal with infidelity without marriage counseling, take as much time as you need to listen to the free demos on this site. Turn your pain into determination and do everything in your power to prevent this from ever happening again.

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No Marriage Left Behind: Staying Connected to Your Congregation

Dr. David Hawkins Director, The Marriage Recovery Center

 

I've never been a pastor, but can only imagine the job being next to impossible. So many people -- so many needs. It's not enough to simply preach and lead the congregation. You must also wear the hat of counselor, friend, cheerleader and CEO. In addition to teaching, you assist at celebrations as well as emotional and medical emergencies. Part pastor, part counselor, you're pulled in hundreds of different directions.

One of the pastor's most important roles is making sure there is no marriage left behind. You want to ensure that every couple is connected, not only to God, but to you as well as caring and concerned people within your congregation.

This task is often too much to ask of any one person or even staff of people. Couples get lost in the shuffle. Statistics tell us that many couples experience a marriage crisis, separate and sometimes even divorce without anyone knowing. They quietly drop out of their caring congregation often never to be seen again.

With the demands of marriage and the challenges of staying connected, couples slip through the cracks—and this is something we want to change. No one wants to see members of our congregation lose their marriage. We cringe upon hearing about a couple who dropped out of church and later divorced. No one wants to know our friends are experiencing marital struggles, yet we often ignore the signs of distress.

How can we stay connected? Last month we discussed how couples can stay connected to their churches. Now let's consider this from the other end: what can your pastoral staff do to ensure there is no marriage left behind? What can your church staff do to ensure every couple is connected to others? What can pastoral staff do to ensure they are connected to every couple, so no couple falls through the cracks?

We want a place where people are so connected to each other that when one cries, we all feel the pain -- when one celebrates, we all share in their joy. That, after all, is one of the most powerful aspects of the church.

Here are a few ideas for your pastoral staff:

First, determine to make the marriages in your congregation a priority. Such a goal will require incredible focus and intentionality. With all of your responsibilities, this huge goal cannot happen without determination. Even with determination and focus, staying connected to every couple, every marriage, will be challenging at best — but it can be done! Here is where small groups, co-pastors, elders and lay leaders can be extraordinarily helpful. 

Second, assume there are great marital needs that you will never hear about. Because having a marriage crisis is still a stigma in many churches, don't be surprised that couples still feel ashamed to ask for help. Because of this fact, you must assume there are significant needs within your church swirling beneath the surface of the Sunday smiling faces. You must adopt an attitude that there are problems, and your task is to discover them.

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Affair-Proof Your Marriage

When you've gotten to the point in your marriage when all you see are the negative qualities in your spouse, you run the risk that they will eventually meet someone who sees the best in them. If your spouse rarely gets a compliment from you, they are probably starving for attention. I have always said, "If you don't have a love affair with your mate, someone else will!"

What may start out as a harmless connection to someone, because they feel unnoticed and unloved, eventually turns into an emotional affair. Given enough time, the emotional affair will become a physical one.

I remember one night after class, one of my students stayed to speak with me. She was distraught because her husband had told her that he wanted to move out and file for a divorce. I asked her to tell me exactly what had happened that could have led to this point in their marriage. She told me that her husband had worked in the corporate world but a year ago had decided to quit and go back to school to get his teaching credential.

Ann tried everything she could to convince him not to leave the business world. She ended up telling him she thought he was crazy; that he would never make enough money teaching. He went back to school in spite of Ann's protests, and in one of his classes he met a woman who was studying for the same degree as he was. This woman told him she admired him for quitting the business rat race. She pumped him up and gave him daily encouragement. They studied together, laughed together and eventually, he had fallen in love with this classmate.

Would this story have turned out differently if Ann had been supportive of her husband's decision right from the beginning when he shared his dream with her? Absolutely! If she had verbalized her faith in him and complimented him on his courage and perseverance, he wouldn't have needed someone else to make him feel good.

Once Ann learned what this woman had done and what she needed to do, she fought for her marriage with a vengeance. This woman never had a chance because Ann was armed with my information.

A letter from Judy recounted how a lack of attention and compliments from her husband almost let to the end of their marriage.

My husband was depressed because he was unhappy in his job. To make up for a dull career, he spent many evenings attending school board and city council meetings. I was definitely neglected.

I met this younger man through a friend of my daughter's. He was a college student and needed a place to stay over the summer. I offered an extra bedroom in our home. While living with us, he spent a lot of time watching me cook, decorate and garden. He couldn't say enough wonderful things about my domesticity. That whole summer, all I heard was, "You have such a green thumb", or "You have a flair for color and texture", or "You make better spaghetti sauce than my mother". He also made it clear that he was attracted to me.

Having heard these wonderful things made me realize how much I was missing in my marriage. I told my husband how I felt and I'm thankful that he was willing to listen to your CD's and make the necessary changes.

So, it's your turn to think about how your spouse feels when they are with you. Your marriage is the most precious gift you have. It deserves to be treated and protected in every way possible.

Does she remember to buy your favorite foods at the supermarket? Does he remember to put the toilet seat down? Is she especially patient with your parents? Has he gotten involved with a home improvement project? See how many wonderful things about him or her you can find that you have been taking for granted.

From now on, I want you look at your spouse in a way you may not have done for quite some time. Pay attention to his or her every move with an eye for the positive. Become your mate's biggest fan and you will , not for those brief youthful years, but for a lifetime.

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marriage - definition of marriage by the Free Online ...

is like an old coat, beautiful in texture, but easy and loose —Audrey Colvin, letter to New York Times/,Ll July 17, 1986A husband, like religion and medicine, must be taken with blind faith —Helen Rowland

This has been modernized from “Like unto religion.”

Husbands, like governments must never admit they are wrong —Honoré de BalzacHusbands are like (motor) cars; all are good the first year —Channing PollockHusbands are like fires, they go out when unattended —Zsa Zsa GaborHusbands should be like Kleenex, soft, clean and disposable —Madeline Kahn, interview, television news program, December, 1985A husband without ability is like a house without a roof —Spanish proverbIt

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Decisions for a Good Marriage

In a committed relationship, the decisions you and your mate make will guide your life together. Whether it's deciding to buy a house, have a baby, or change careers, your decisions will affect the dynamics of your marriage. If you make your decisions based on fear, your marriage will be haunted by insecurities, anxiety, and negative energy. If you make your decisions based on love, your marriage will be touched by nothing but warmth, confidence, and trust. A couple with those emotions will never wind up in marriage counseling.

If you experience difficulty making a particular decision, there is probably some kind of fear involved. To make the best decision possible, use the following steps. First, ask yourself, "What am I afraid of?" It could be fear of losing money, fear that you can't make it on your own, fear that you won't succeed, fear that you'll disappoint someone else, fear that you won't be loved anymore, or fear of losing someone you love. So first, I really want you to face what you are afraid of.

Next, I want you to ask yourself, "If I were coming from a loving place deep inside me, where I knew I was completely safe, that my instincts were trustworthy and my motives were pure, how would I react and what would I say or do?" The answer to this question is sometimes very different than what you would normally do or say. You may be attending individual or couples marriage counseling and the counselor has encouraged you to do whatever makes you happy. The problem with that advice is that once you think about your choices, you realize that there are good and bad consequences no matter what decision you make. So, many times neither decision will make you happy. Sometimes it comes down to which will make you feel "less worse."

I've helped many people make difficult decisions in their life. One of them was Monica, who attended one of my lectures very distraught. She told me that her husband had come home from work a few days ago and had proudly announced that his company was doubling his salary, making him vice president of a new bank, and was moving his family from California to Arizona.

Monica said that all she could think about was how lonely she would be if she had to leave her friends and family behind. She couldn't imagine coping with her nine-month-old baby without the help of her mother. She knew no one in Arizona and didn't make friends easily. She had cried all that night, and in the morning she had told Peter she didn't want to go. Peter left for work that morning without kissing her goodbye for the first time in their marriage. Monica set up an appointment for marriage counseling with a therapist that was recommended by one of her friends.

The counselor told her husband that he had to think about someone other than himself now that he had a wife and baby and he had to take Monica's feelings into consideration. Then she told Monica that there would be no point in making this move if she was going to be miserable. It would only be a matter of time before she would come home as a single mom!

So, you can imagine the state Monica was in when she came to see me. They were no closer to making a decision after their marriage counseling session.

I asked Monica to picture the worst-case scenario, including all of her fears. She did a pretty good job of it. She pictured herself crying every day as she sat by herself in her lonely house with the baby screaming. She felt isolated, depressed, and angry.

I simply asked her if her thoughts were supportive and coming from a loving place. She said, "No, and they are making me miserable."

I asked her to pretend that she was coming from a loving place, a place where she was safe and secure and all of her thoughts were supportive. Then I asked her what she would do or say if that's how she felt. She looked at me as if I were crazy and said, "But I don't feel safe and secure. I'm scared."

I said, "I know that, but if you were coming from a loving place instead of a fearful place, what would you do? Just for a moment, pretend."

Monica said, "Well, if I felt safe and secure, then I would be excited about going. I would tell my husband how proud I am of him and what a wonderful opportunity this would be for us. If I wasn't scared, I'd be excited about buying our first home because the prices are so much lower in Arizona than they are in California."

I did everything I could to convince Monica that she should make her decision from that loving place where faith prevails and not from a fearful place. I'm happy to report that Monica and Peter did move to Arizona. I received a letter letting me know that she had joined a "Mommy and Me" swim class and had made some wonderful new friends. They bought a home in a good neighborhood and a lovely retired couple who lived next door, were delighted to help out with baby-sitting.

If Monica had made her decision based on fear, she never would have stepped out of her comfort zone and experienced a new adventure, and her relationship with her husband would have been damaged, if not destroyed completely.

To live your life in a fearful state is to rob yourself of pleasure and new experiences. More importantly, when you live your life in fear, it is impossible to experience a deep connection with others, especially your mate.

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