You can see any one of your mates qualities in either a positive light or a negative light. The choice is yours. Ask yourself this question: If I continue to concentrate on what my mate is lacking, what my mate has not accomplished, what my mate is always doing wrong, and how my mate does not ever measure up to my expectations, what will my payoff be? In case you do not know the answer, I will tell you. Your payoff will be a cold, unresponsive, angry person.
If, on the other hand, you choose to concentrate on your mates strengths, if you notice all the little things your mate does for you, if you praise your mate for their small accomplishments, reinforce your mates capabilities, and appreciate your mates value as a human being, your payoff will be a warm, loving, passionate, and devoted partner.
Let us compare the personality traits that you now may see as bad, negative, or wrong, to the way you saw these same traits when you first fell in love. Then I will show you what to say to turn a complaint into a thoughtful, loving, five-second compliment.
- What you saw (in the beginning): He is so affectionate
- What you see (after a couple of years): He is oversexed.
- What you say (to make your mate feel special): You are so demonstrative with your love, always willing to hold hands, rub my back, or cuddle. I am one lucky woman!
- What you saw (in the beginning): She is so outgoing, always the life of the party.
- What you see (after a couple of years): She never stops talking. She draws so much attention to herself, it is embarrassing.
- What you say (to make your mate feel special): You are such a good conversationalist. There are never any awkward silences with you around.
- What you saw (in the beginning): He is so knowledgeable. He is like a walking encyclopedia.
- What you see (after a couple of years): He thinks he is an expert on everything.
- What you say (to make your mate feel special): You are so smart. You retain so much information. There does not seem to be anything you do not know.
- What you saw (in the beginning): She is so efficient and organized.
- What you see (after a couple of years): She is too structured.
- What you say (to make your mate feel special): Everything is always in its place. I never have a problem finding anything when I need it.
- What you saw (in the beginning): He has goals and dreams.
- What you see (after a couple of years): He is a workaholic
- What you say (to make your mate feel special): You are amazing. You know where you want to go and what you want to accomplish, and you do whatever is necessary to make that happen.
- What you saw (in the beginning): She has a lot of energy.
- What you see (after a couple of years): She never sits still and just enjoys the moment.
- What you say (to make your mate feel special): You can get more done in an hour than I can in a day. You are great at multi-tasking.
- What you saw (in the beginning): He is so economical.
- What you see (after a couple of years): He is stingy.
- What you say (to make your mate feel special): You work hard at saving money for our future. That gives me a secure feeling.
When you see your mates qualities as only negative, you risk the chance that someone else will see those same, exact qualities as positive. If your mate rarely gets a compliment from you, he or she will not feel good in your presence. Eventually your mate may meet someone who sees the good in them and verbalizes it. Your mate will like how this feels and before you know it, the stage is set for an affair. Do not let that happen!!
Do you have an example you can add to my examples? I would love to hear the results of what you used to say and how you turned it into a five-second compliment instead.
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